Quilteontologist ~ It's a Real Profession

A Quilteontologist makes bold cuts while her cheeks brace for impact. She measures twice, still clenches, and files a formal complaint with herself mid-slice. This collection reports all of it with a straight face, in official-looking type, like a diploma your sewing room quietly earned.

These are the designs that make the checkout person at the quilt shop laugh out loud, because the field is real, the nerves of steel are real, and the very tight cheeks are extremely real. Certification is automatic the first time you cut into fabric you waited two years to be worthy of.